Already got asked if we're dating
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
Randomize
