It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
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