i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
Randomize
