Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize
