theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
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