It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
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