before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
Randomize
