Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
So I used the "I've never cummed from a BJ before" line last night.
And that worked?
9 for 9! Not only does it give them a goal but they have a sense of accomplishment afterwards.
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
Randomize
