You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
Randomize
