so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
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