maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
Randomize
