If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
Randomize
