He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
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