oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
Randomize
