My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
Randomize
