fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
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