Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
Randomize
