Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
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