I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
Randomize
