Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
Randomize
