What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
Those nachos came to me in a dream
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
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