I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
