He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
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