I feel like I'm in dance class right now
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
