Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
Someone shit on the floor
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
Randomize
