I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
There was a lot of him and a little penis
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
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