he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
Randomize
