My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
Cleveland boys shit in their own pumpkins in their own living room. Got pictures to prove it.
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
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