Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
He's a Shit stain on my heart
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
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