I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
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