i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
Rumble strips road head = magical
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
Randomize
