What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
Randomize
