I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
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