just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
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