did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
Judging by his buldge, this guy is huge. just paid steve to follow him into the bathroom and find out. They had a convo about it.
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
Ok not good, my info has definitely been submitted to this sugar daddy website before.
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
Randomize