the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
Randomize
