Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
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