is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
Randomize
