My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
You smell like a Billy Joel song
Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
Randomize
