just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
Randomize
