i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
I made him laugh his dick is mine
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
Randomize
