i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
I woke up with a black eye and dim memories of announcing that i had super powers. I shoved my pockets full of canned tuna and tried to jump off the balcony. And then my boyfriend called the cops.
so you're not coming in to work today?
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
Randomize
