yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
Randomize
