I look better un-naked...
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
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