Just checked, might have creepy crawlies. What does chlamydia feel like? Not near wireless to consult webMD.
Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
Randomize
