You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
Randomize
