he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
Randomize
