omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
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