Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
Randomize
