i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
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