I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
Randomize
