I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
Randomize
