i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
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