i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
Randomize
