I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
Randomize
