I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
Randomize
