chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
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