My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
He's totally hot and awesome. And he's a Democrat
Good, so he won't mind when you kill the baby.
as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
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