theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
It's shark week go big or go home
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
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