Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
I'm reading about reasons for wearing clothing. IS THIS COLLEGE OR PRESCHOOL?
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
i've created a new STD.
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
Randomize
