I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
You look like a girl that would like strip clubs
I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
she had no gag reflex. and is an abercrombie model. i love college.
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
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