he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
Walk back down Church toward Mass Ave. Take a right and head for the guy in a kilt on top of the really tall unicycle. C u soon!
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
