let's bang
You're in my phone as 'Weird Bus Guy' so I think my answer's no.
My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
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