Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
Randomize
