I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
is not sure whether or not everyone at the club last night calling me a-easy is a good thing?
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
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