You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
Randomize
