Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
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