I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
Well, I'm a guy so I don't have one, but if its anything like the inside of my nose, yes, vodka would burn.
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
Randomize
