epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
Randomize
