God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
Randomize
