Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
I have surprise drugs for everyone
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
Randomize
